Punishing sadness
Our eldest would never stay sat on the naughty step. When our beautiful baby started to exhibit tricky behaviours, we didn’t know what else to do, so we’d take him to have a timeout. But he didn’t just sit and reflect on what he’d done like he was meant to. Instead, he’d get up and run off and then refuse to come back. We’d end up dragging him back again, and again, until the argument became about the staying in one place and not about his actions. We felt confused and a bit hopeless. It took a while, and a lot of thinking and learning, but eventually we realised that his behaviour was coming from a place of frustration, sadness, or anger. Timeout wasn’t going to solve that. So, instead we learned to talk, to listen, and to try to understand. We don’t always manage, but we try. We try not to shout (not always successfully), we try to listen, and we try not to punish a child’s sadness.